Breaking Free from Purity Culture: Redefining Intimacy in Christian Marriage with Kingdom Sexuality
When it comes to discussing intimacy in Christian marriages, there’s often a lot of silence and even shame surrounding the subject. But what if we could change that narrative? What if we could embrace God's design for our bodies, our pleasure, and our relationships with the same openness and freedom we have in every other area of our lives?
In today’s episode of the podcast, I sit down with Alana and Tiera from Kingdom Sexuality for a candid conversation about sex and intimacy within marriage. Their mission? To break the silence and provide a safe space for couples to have open conversations about their sexuality.
The Birth of Kingdom Sexuality
Kingdom Sexuality was founded in 2020, inspired by Alana’s personal journey postpartum. She had recently become a mom and realized that even though she couldn’t physically be intimate with her husband at the time, she could use this period to better understand her body and how to improve their sex life once she was able to engage in it again.
But the deeper Alana went into learning about herself and her body, the more she realized that many other women were struggling with similar questions. And so, Kingdom Sexuality was born—an initiative designed to create a safe, shame-free space where married couples could talk about sex openly and without judgment.
Why Open Conversations Matter
One of the most powerful aspects of this conversation with Alana and Tiera is their emphasis on the importance of open communication in marriage. They remind us that having honest discussions about sex is key to unlocking true intimacy and connection.
Alana shares her own struggle with the damaging messages from purity culture, where sex was seen as bad or forbidden until marriage, creating confusion when the "switch" was supposed to flip on their wedding night. "It’s supposed to be amazing," she says. "But no one told me how to navigate that transition, how to communicate about it, or how to understand what intimacy even meant within the context of marriage."
Purity culture, often built on well-meaning intentions, can create a foundation of shame and confusion about sex, making it difficult for couples to talk about their needs, desires, and boundaries. The solution, Alana and Tiera explain, is to break free from these misconceptions and start having conversations about sex—whether it’s with your spouse, your friends, or even with yourself.
Understanding Your Body: The Key to Sexual Confidence
One of the most powerful messages of the episode is that sexual confidence starts with understanding your own body. Tiera, a fertility doula, shares her experiences of helping women understand their menstrual cycles and how often we overlook basic knowledge of our own bodies.
Many women go through life without ever truly exploring their own bodies, and this lack of understanding can impact sexual confidence. Tiera emphasizes that embracing the knowledge of your body, including the parts that are often neglected or misunderstood, can transform your approach to sex and intimacy.
And for women who are "touched out" or overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood, Tiera offers practical advice on how to reset and recharge before engaging in intimacy. From communication to simple acts of care, the episode offers tangible ways to approach touch and intimacy in a way that is both healthy and fulfilling.
The Role of Pleasure in Marriage
Another core theme of the episode is the idea that pleasure is an essential part of a healthy sexual relationship within marriage. Alana and Tiera highlight the importance of women prioritizing their own pleasure in the sexual relationship, something that has often been overlooked or minimized, especially in Christian communities.
Tiera shares a profound insight: “The fact that we have a clitoris and its only function is pleasure shows that God wants us to experience joy and satisfaction in intimacy.” This simple yet powerful truth serves as a reminder that God designed sex to be pleasurable for both partners—not just a duty or chore, but a gift to enjoy together.
When couples approach sex as a means of connection and pleasure rather than just a to-do list, intimacy flourishes. It's about finding a balance between giving and receiving, and realizing that women deserve to enjoy this aspect of their marriage just as much as their husbands.
Practical Tips for Busy Couples
For many couples, especially those with young children, the demands of daily life can make it difficult to prioritize intimacy. However, Alana and Tiera offer some practical tips for busy moms and dads to reconnect and create space for intimacy.
Communicate openly: One of the first steps in reclaiming intimacy is to talk about it. Whether you’re experiencing mismatched desires or simply feeling disconnected, starting the conversation is key to finding a solution.
Take time to reset: For women who feel "touched out" or overwhelmed, it’s essential to take some time for self-care before intimacy. Whether it’s taking a walk, enjoying a bath, or asking your spouse to handle some of the family responsibilities, recharging your energy can help you be fully present with your partner.
Get creative with touch: Alana and Tiera recommend using all five senses to deepen your connection and make intimacy more enjoyable. Experiment with different types of touch, textures, or even locations to break the routine and rediscover the joy of being with your partner.
The Power of Prayer and Renewing Your Mind
Throughout the episode, Alana and Tiera stress the importance of renewing your mind, especially when it comes to challenging old beliefs and embracing a healthier view of sex. As Christians, it’s crucial to remember that God designed us for pleasure, and intimacy is a gift He wants us to enjoy in marriage.
As Michelle shares, “If we’re going to pray about everything else, why wouldn’t we pray about our sex lives, too?” Bringing prayer into the conversation allows couples to center their relationship in God’s love and wisdom, helping them navigate challenges and create a deeper connection.
Closing Thoughts
This episode is a powerful reminder that intimacy and pleasure are an integral part of a healthy marriage. By breaking free from the constraints of purity culture and embracing open conversations, couples can discover the true beauty of God's design for marriage. As Alana and Tiera share, when we prioritize communication, sexual confidence, and mutual pleasure, we can build a marriage that honors God and strengthens our bond with one another.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into these important conversations, be sure to check out Kingdom Sexuality for more resources, and don't forget to listen to this episode for practical advice and encouragement!
Resources:
Visit Kingdom Sexuality: kingdomsexualityministry.com
Join the Kingdom Sexuality Podcast Community on Facebook: [Facebook Link]
Follow Kingdom Sexuality on Instagram: [Instagram Link]
Social Media Links:
Instagram: @kingdomsexuality
Facebook: Kingdom Sexuality Podcast Community
Twitter: @KingdomSexuality
TikTok: @kingdomsexuality
